Therapy for Siblings to Improve Your Relationship
Therapy for siblings helps with resolving conflict, improving communication, understanding family dynamics, navigating transitions, clarifying adult roles and boundaries, and more. If you have any of these goals, therapy might be a great option.
As a Clinical Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist, I believe adult sibling therapy deserves far more recognition than it receives. Often overlooked yet deeply impactful – siblings share some of the longest-running shared histories in a family dynamic. These relationships can profoundly influence identity formation, whether you consider yourself "close" or not with your sibling(s).
While there’s still a lack of in-depth research on adult sibling counseling, some studies show that as many as one-third of people describe their relationships with siblings as distant or marked by rivalry. Encouragingly, a recent NPR article points to a growing number of adult siblings turning to therapy as a way to work through old wounds and strengthen their bond.
This article will introduce you to the concept of sibling therapy, offer practical strategies for repairing strained sibling relationships, provide tips for resolving adult sibling conflicts, and explore the often-overlooked ways therapy can support deeper individual and family healing.
Benefits of Therapy for Siblings
Some people don’t realize that there is such a thing as adult sibling therapy. Therapy is often seen as something we do individually or with a partner, but sibling therapy offers a surprisingly rich and healing space that’s often overlooked.
Below, I highlight several common benefits of sibling therapy, like resolving conflict and improving communication, but go beyond the surface to offer a more nuanced understanding of what those actually look and feel like in real relationships.
Resolve Conflict
Conflicts between siblings are rarely straightforward – what one sibling sees as “the issue,” the other might view entirely differently. It’s common for each person to believe the problem lies squarely with the other, leading to years of misunderstanding, resentment, or silence. Therapy for siblings offers a space where both perspectives can be heard without either being dismissed.
An experienced family therapist is skilled at helping each sibling feel seen and validated while also gently challenging each person to take responsibility for their role in the dynamic. Rather than taking sides, the therapist helps both siblings step back and understand how their relationship has been shaped by the broader family system—patterns, roles, expectations, or unspoken rules that may have developed long ago. In doing so, the focus shifts from blame to insight.
With the right support, siblings can move beyond rehashing old arguments and begin to see each other—and themselves—with greater clarity and compassion.
Some types of conflicts that benefit from sibling counseling include:
Old childhood resentments or rivalries
Differences in values or lifestyles
Blame around past family traumas
Unresolved grief or loss within the family
Control over family decisions
Role rigidity (“the golden child” vs. “the scapegoat”)
Differing memories or interpretations of childhood
Marital or partner-related tensions (in-laws)
Improve Communication
Communication within families is rarely just about words. It’s shaped by generations of unspoken rules, modeled behaviors, and emotional undercurrents. Many siblings carry forward the communication patterns they observed growing up, whether that means avoiding conflict, using sarcasm, or speaking on behalf of another family member without realizing it.
You may want to avoid what you saw in your family and try to do the opposite – only to find yourself caught in similarly dysfunctional dynamics or at least having similar feelings. In sibling relationships, this can show up as misunderstandings, defensiveness, or a sense of talking past each other rather than with each other.
Therapy offers a unique space to slow down these patterns and bring awareness to what’s really being said, who it’s being said for, and what purpose it serves. A skilled family therapist can help you and your sibling(s) untangle whether you’re truly communicating with each other – or unconsciously reenacting family roles and messages. With this clarity, you can begin to develop more honest, direct, and respectful ways of relating – free from outdated scripts.
A family therapist can help improve communication in damaged sibling relationships with the following:
Slow down reactive patterns
Identify tone and impact
Break down assumptions
Interrupt blame cycles
Reframe misunderstandings
Challenge defensive habits
Build emotional vocabulary
Foster accountability
Understand Trauma Bonding
When siblings grow up in the same household, it’s easy to assume they experienced the same things in the same way – but this is rarely true. As Dr. Gabor Maté wisely notes, “No two children are raised in the same family.” Differences in birth order, temperament, parental stress, and even prenatal experiences shape how each sibling processes what happens around them.
In some cases, siblings may form a bond through shared hardship or chaos, often referred to as trauma bonding. But it’s important to recognize that while trauma may be part of the connection, it doesn’t define the whole relationship. Labeling an entire sibling dynamic as trauma-based can flatten its complexity and overlook the real care, loyalty, or resilience that may also be present.
In therapy, siblings can explore these layers – what they shared, what they didn’t, and how unspoken wounds or roles shaped their bond. The goal isn’t to pathologize the relationship but to understand it more deeply, with space for both pain and possibility.
Here are some signs or nuances that your sibling relationship may, in part, be trauma-bonded:
Emotional over-identification
Fear of rocking the boat
Guilt for healthy space
Bond built on secrets
Lack of healthy, functional boundaries
Confusing intensity with closeness
“We only talk when there’s a crisis”
Resentment mixed with attachment
Recognize Triangulation
Triangulation is one of the most common – yet least recognized – communication patterns in families. It happens when tension between two people is redirected or diffused by involving a third person. For example, instead of addressing a conflict directly with a sibling, someone might vent to a parent or try to get another sibling “on their side.” Most people don’t realize they’re engaging in triangulation, and even fewer understand how deeply it shapes family dynamics.
In adult sibling relationships, triangulation can quietly fuel resentment, create alliances, or reinforce old roles. But it’s important to note that triangles aren’t inherently dysfunctional – they can sometimes serve a stabilizing or protective role, especially during high-stress times. What matters is how the triangle functions and whether it helps or hinders resolution between the original two people.
In therapy for siblings, identifying these patterns is an essential part of the work. A skilled therapist helps siblings notice when they’re pulling others into unresolved tension and supports them in developing more direct, honest communication. Understanding triangulation brings clarity to past conflicts and opens the door for healthier dynamics going forward—making it a key step in untangling long-standing misunderstandings and building more genuine connections.
Here are some signs triangulation might be occurring in your sibling relationships:
Talking about a sibling instead of to them
Pulling a parent into a conflict they weren’t originally a part of
One sibling acting as the “go-between”
Siding with one sibling against another
Using another family to deliver a message
Feeling closer to one sibling because of sharing frustration about another
Shifting blame to someone not in the room
Avoiding direct conversation
Redefine Roles and Rebuild Trust
A powerful part of sibling therapy is exploring the roles we’ve played – often unconsciously – for years. Whether it’s “the responsible one,” “the rebel,” “the peacemaker,” or “the forgotten one,” these roles are often shaped by early family dynamics and can follow siblings well into adulthood. While some roles may have once served a purpose, they can become limiting, create resentment, or keep relationships stuck.
In therapy, you have the chance to reflect on these patterns together: how they formed, how they’ve been reinforced, and how they might be shifted in ways that better support everyone involved. This process can surface discomfort, especially when change threatens long-standing family dynamics or dependencies, such as enabling behavior or emotional over-reliance. However, with open dialogue and guided support, you can begin to renegotiate roles in a way that allows for more authenticity, flexibility, and mutual respect.
As roles shift, trust is rebuilt – not just through promises but through consistent communication, follow-through, and honoring each other’s boundaries. Over time, the relationship becomes less about obligation or performance and more about genuine connection.
A family therapist can help you identify roles, redefine roles, and rebuild trust by:
Exploring early family dynamics
Identifying unmet needs
Challenging limited narratives
Encouraging emotional honesty
Unpacking fear of change
Addressing enabling or over-functioning
Encouraging role renegotiation
Repairing ruptures with intention
How Does Adult Sibling Therapy Work?
In my sessions, we typically begin with all siblings together in the first session. This gives everyone a shared starting point and allows us to begin naming each person’s goals for therapy.
Some families continue with joint sessions throughout, while others find it helpful to alternate between group meetings and individual sessions. Having space to speak one-on-one can help clarify thoughts and feelings that may be harder to express in front of a sibling, and we bring those insights back into the shared space with care and intention.
Together, we identify goals that reflect each person’s needs – something that’s often difficult to do without a supportive third party, like a therapist, guiding the conversation. My role is to help create a space where everyone can feel heard, respected, and gently challenged to grow.
If anyone is also working with an individual therapist, I’m happy to coordinate with their provider (with consent) to support continuity of care. This collaboration often strengthens the overall process and helps ensure that what we’re working on together aligns with each sibling’s broader healing journey.
Online Sibling Therapy
I offer online adult sibling therapy as a way to make family healing more accessible – especially when siblings live in different states or have busy schedules. Virtual sessions provide a convenient and meaningful alternative to in-person therapy, but it’s important to ensure that your therapist is both authorized to practice in your state and trained in the unique dynamics of sibling and family systems.
I encourage each sibling to do a bit of research on their own by looking into licensed family therapists, reading about their approach, and then sharing findings with each other. Once you’ve found someone who feels like a potential fit, I recommend scheduling a free consultation call with all siblings present. This way, everyone has a chance to ask questions, hear more about the process, and begin with a sense of shared understanding.
Here are some reputable databases for finding an online family therapist:
Therapy for Siblings: Conclusion
Sibling therapy is often the missing piece in the healing journey of many families. Whether you’re navigating old conflicts, strained communication, or just want to feel closer to someone who shares your history, the work you do together can be deeply meaningful. It’s not about assigning blame or rehashing the past – it’s about gaining insight, building clarity, and creating a new foundation for connection.
If you’re curious about whether sibling therapy might be right for you and your family, I’d love to chat. Take the first step toward a more honest, connected, and healing relationship with your sibling, and schedule a free 15-minute consultation with me. This is a chance for all siblings to meet with me, ask questions, and get a sense of what the process could look like – no pressure, just information and support.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone – this is work we can do together.