Intergenerational Trauma Healing: Tips from a Therapist
Intergenerational trauma healing can feel overwhelming—especially when the patterns you’re trying to break are the same ones that shaped you. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying emotional weight that isn’t entirely your own, you’re not alone. Research suggests that trauma can be passed down not just through stories and behaviors but even through biology—impacting stress responses and emotional regulation across generations.
In this article, we’ll explore what intergenerational trauma looks like, how it might show up in your life, and—most importantly—how to start healing.
As a family therapist, I’ve worked with many people who struggle with inherited cycles of emotional suppression, hyper-independence, or relational wounds. And I have good news—change is possible, and it begins with increased self-awareness.
What is intergenerational trauma?
Intergenerational trauma is the ongoing psychological and emotional impact of a past generation’s unresolved wounds. Even if you don’t directly experience the original traumatic events, their effects, including fear, emotional suppression, addiction, hyper-independence, relational struggles, etc., can continue to shape your life.
I remember first learning about intergenerational trauma in graduate school, introduced through the concept of the Multigenerational Transmission Process, a term coined by psychiatrist Murray Bowen. At its core, this idea suggests that thoughts, emotions, and behaviors don’t just belong to us individually—they are transmitted across generations, shaping how we think, feel, and relate to the world, even if we weren’t raised by the people who originally carried them.
At first, this concept felt almost theoretical, but after years of study and nearly two decades of clinical practice, I can say with certainty that it’s very real. We don’t just inherit eye color or other genetic inputs; we inherit ways of being—the unspoken rules of survival, the emotional landscapes of past generations, and sometimes, their pain.
The challenge is that these patterns of intergenerational trauma often go unrecognized. We learn how to think, feel, and behave both explicitly through what we’re taught and implicitly through what we absorb without realizing it. And if those ways of thinking or relating are shaped by trauma, we may unknowingly reenact them, believing they are simply “normal” or part of our culture, rather than seeing them as trauma-informed responses.
Can generational trauma be healed?
Generational trauma can be healed, but healing doesn’t mean erasing the past. Healing means becoming aware of how trauma continues to live in us and shape our choices, relationships, and sense of self.
Trauma, by its nature, is relational and can be passed down through people. Often, it must also be healed through people. This means that while we can’t rewrite what happened to past generations, we can shift how those wounds affect us and what we pass down to the future.
That said, healing generational trauma is complex because it involves unwinding deeply ingrained patterns—many of which have been reinforced over time as survival strategies or are reinforced by the lives we consequently built for ourselves. Some of these patterns are emotional, like suppressing vulnerability or feeling responsible for others’ well-being. Others are physical, like how the body holds stress and fear.
Research also suggests that trauma can impact gene expression, meaning that inherited stress responses may be imprinted on a biological level. But just as trauma can be passed down, so can resilience. The brain and body are adaptable, and healing is very likely through support, self-awareness, and new relational experiences.
At the same time, intergenerational trauma healing isn’t always linear. Some people experience profound shifts and feel a sense of freedom from family patterns, while others find that healing is an ongoing, layered process. Some family members may resist these changes, making healing feel isolating at times. But even if others don’t or can’t join in the process, breaking cycles within yourself is still meaningful. Healing doesn’t require everyone to change; it only requires someone to change, which can ripple outward in ways we may never fully see.
Tips for Intergenerational Trauma Healing
You can heal from and fix intergenerational trauma by acknowledging the trauma, understanding the impact, working to prevent future trauma, and getting support. Below, I’ll discuss helpful tips for each of these to help you on your healing journey.
Acknowledge the Trauma: Increase Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is at the foundation of healing intergenerational trauma. To break a cycle, we first have to recognize it—clearly, compassionately, and without judgment. Many of us carry wounds that feel deeply personal, yet when we step back, we start to recognize they didn’t start with us. By exploring both our own struggles and our family history, we can begin to connect the dots.
The following can help you increase self-awareness and acknowledge your trauma:
Reflect on your own patterns and struggles: Notice recurring emotional reactions, relationship challenges, or internalized beliefs about yourself and the world. Ask yourself: Where did I learn this? Who in my family might have felt this way, too?
Explore your family’s origins and history: Consider factors like immigration, economic struggles, war, displacement, or social conditions that shaped your family members’ lives. These experiences often inform parenting styles, emotional expression, and survival mechanisms that trickle down through generations. Ask yourself: What kind of hardships did my ancestors face? How did their circumstances shape the way they parented, worked, or expressed emotions? How might I still be carrying their survival strategies?
Consider family roles and dynamics: Understanding family roles helps reveal and clarify the unspoken and spoken rules that have shaped you. Ask yourself: Who was the caretaker? Who was the scapegoat? Who avoided conflict? What role did I play in my family? Was I expected to be the responsible one, the fixer, the quiet one, or the rebel? Do I still carry that role into my adult relationships?
Working up and down the generations: You can start with your own experiences and trace them back through your family’s patterns, or begin with a previous generation and work your way down to see how their struggles shaped your present reality. Ask yourself: What patterns do I see in my parents or grandparents that feel familiar in my own life? Are there behaviors I swore I’d never repeat yet find myself engaging in?
Use a genogram: A genogram is a family diagram that maps relationships, psychological patterns, and major life events across generations. It can help visualize how trauma, behaviors, and emotional legacies have been passed down. Ask yourself: What patterns emerge when I map out my family history? Where do I see repeating themes of loss, conflict, or disconnection?
Seek professional guidance: Therapists, especially those trained in trauma and family systems, are skilled at helping you piece together these patterns and process them in a way that fosters intergenerational trauma healing. Ask yourself: What kind of support would help me navigate this? Have I ever considered therapy, or do I carry family beliefs that seeking help means weakness?
Understand the Impact of Generational Trauma
Unfortunately, intergenerational trauma doesn’t just live in the past—it shapes how we think, feel, and move through the world in ways we may not even realize. Because trauma is stored in both the mind and body, its effects can show up in nearly every aspect of life. Once we recognize the impact, we have the power to shift it.
Here’s how intergenerational trauma may be impacting you:
Mental health struggles: Trauma can increase vulnerability to anxiety, depression, PTSD, addiction, and other emotional challenges. Ask yourself: Do I struggle with persistent worry, sadness, or cycles of self-doubt that seem bigger than my personal experiences? Have mental health issues run in my family?
Relationship patterns: Generational trauma can influence attachment styles, trust issues, and how we handle conflict or intimacy. Ask yourself: Do I find myself in similar unhealthy relationships? Do I avoid closeness or fear being abandoned? Have I inherited relationship patterns from my parents or caregivers?
Self-esteem and identity: Family dynamics shape how we see ourselves, sometimes reinforcing shame, perfectionism, or a sense of unworthiness. Ask yourself: Do I feel like I’m never “good enough”? Do I tie my worth to achievement or caretaking? Do I carry internalized messages from my family about who I “should” be?
Work and success: Trauma can impact how we relate to work, financial stability, and ambition—whether that’s overworking, self-sabotage, or a deep fear of failure. Ask yourself: Do I feel guilty when I rest? Do I equate success with survival? Have I inherited scarcity mindsets around money or stability?
Friendships and social life: Many people with intergenerational trauma struggle with trust, boundaries, or feeling truly seen in friendships. Ask yourself: Do I struggle to maintain close friendships? Do I feel like I always have to prove my worth in relationships?
Addiction and coping mechanisms: Some people inherit patterns of substance abuse, while others engage in more socially accepted forms of numbing, like overworking, emotional eating, or compulsive behaviors. Ask yourself: How do I cope with stress? Do I turn to substances, work, or distractions to avoid difficult feelings? Have these patterns existed in my family?
Meaning, purpose, and fulfillment: When trauma is unprocessed, it can leave us feeling disconnected from a sense of purpose, creativity, or inner fulfillment. Ask yourself: Do I feel like I’m going through the motions? Do I struggle to find meaning in my life?
Preventing Future Trauma: Breaking the Cycle
Healing intergenerational trauma can be about personal growth, but for many, it’s also about changing what gets passed down to the next generation. Whether or not you have children, the ways you show up in relationships, work, and community all contribute to shifting the patterns that once shaped you. Preventing future trauma doesn’t mean eliminating hardship, but it does mean creating healthier, more intentional ways of responding to it.
Here are ways to actively break the cycle:
Commit to self-awareness and continued healing: The more you work through your inherited wounds, the less likely you are to pass them down. Healing isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing practice. Ask yourself: Am I actively working to recognize and shift unhealthy patterns in my life? Do I seek support when needed rather than trying to carry everything alone?
Change the way you communicate: Many families struggle with emotional suppression, avoidance, or reactive conflict. Shifting this means practicing open, direct, and compassionate communication. Ask yourself: Am I expressing my needs clearly, or do I assume others should “just know”? Do I model healthy emotional expressions for those around me?
Redefine what safety and love look like: If you grew up in a family where love was conditional, or safety meant emotional distance, redefining these concepts can be life-changing. Ask yourself: Do I allow myself to receive love freely, or do I still feel like I have to “earn” it? Do I create relationships that feel emotionally safe?
Practice conscious parenting, even if you’re not a parent: Whether you raise children, mentor others, or simply show up differently in relationships, your healing impacts those around you. Ask yourself: Am I offering others—especially younger generations—what I wish I had received? Am I breaking cycles of shame, fear, or neglect in how I interact with those who look up to me?
Set boundaries with family members: Stopping intergenerational trauma doesn’t always mean cutting off family, but it does mean refusing to participate in or shifting your behavior in harmful dynamics. Ask yourself: Am I setting and holding boundaries that protect my well-being? Do I allow guilt or obligation to pull me back into unhealthy roles?
Foster emotional resilience instead of suppression: Many families pass down a survival-based mindset—minimizing emotions, avoiding vulnerability, or pretending things are “fine.” Instead, embrace emotional honesty. Ask yourself: Do I let myself feel and process emotions rather than pushing them away? Do I model emotional resilience instead of emotional avoidance?
Create a new legacy of healing: The most powerful way to prevent future trauma is to intentionally build something different—relationships rooted in safety, self-awareness, and emotional integrity. Ask yourself: What kind of emotional legacy do I want to leave behind? How can I embody the healing I wish my ancestors had?
Find Support for Your Healing Journey
Intergenerational trauma healing is deep work, but you don’t have to do it alone. Support can come in many forms, from therapy to community conversations to self-education. The key is to find resources that are best to help you process, reflect, and take meaningful steps toward change.
For support, consider the following:
Therapy and professional support: A therapist trained in trauma, family systems, or generational patterns can help you untangle inherited wounds and develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
Communication with other family members also breaking the cycle: If you have relatives who recognize the same patterns, sharing insights and experiences can be incredibly validating and healing.
Books and self-education: Reading about family dynamics, emotional inheritance, and intergenerational trauma can offer clarity and new perspectives. Books by trauma-informed therapists, psychologists, and researchers can deepen your understanding.
Workshops, courses, or group therapy: Healing in a group setting can provide a sense of connection and shared experience, making the process feel less isolating. Many workshops focus on trauma recovery, emotional resilience, and breaking generational cycles.
Journaling and self-reflection practices: Writing about your experiences, patterns, and emotions can help you track your healing and gain insight into unconscious beliefs and behaviors.
Mind-body practices: Trauma is often stored in the body, so practices like yoga, meditation, somatic therapy, or breathwork can help regulate the nervous system and release stored tension.
Community and cultural healing spaces: Many cultures have collective healing traditions, whether through storytelling, rituals, or ancestral practices. Finding spaces that honor your cultural background can be an effective part of the healing process.
How to Break Generational Trauma: Becoming a Cyclebreaker
A cycle breaker is someone who consciously chooses to disrupt generational patterns of trauma, dysfunction, or unhealed pain—choosing awareness and intentional change over unconscious repetition. Breaking the cycle doesn’t mean rejecting your family or erasing the past; it means recognizing what has been passed down and deciding what continues and what stops with you.
This work is complex because generational trauma often presents as “just the way things are.” It takes deep self-awareness to notice inherited beliefs, emotional responses, and behaviors that no longer serve you. Many cycle breakers face resistance from family members who don’t understand or aren’t ready to confront these patterns. That’s why breaking generational trauma isn’t just about healing—it’s about holding your ground, even when others want to pull you back into old roles.
Breaking the cycle happens in small, intentional choices: setting boundaries, embracing emotional expression rather than suppression, learning to regulate your nervous system, and making different choices in relationships, parenting, and self-care. The ripple effect of this work is powerful—when one person heals, they shift the emotional DNA of future generations. Cycle breakers don’t just change their own lives; they create a new legacy.
Intergenerational Trauma Healing: Conclusion
You can heal from intergenerational trauma and break the cycle. While you may have inherited pain, survival patterns, and deeply ingrained beliefs, you also have the power to create something different. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means understanding how it shaped you, honoring what deserves to be carried forward, and releasing what no longer serves you.
Healing requires acknowledging intergenerational trauma, understanding its impact, breaking the cycle, and finding support. Start with self-awareness—recognizing patterns that may not have originated with you but continue to shape your life. Then, you can begin to shift behaviors, redefine relationships, and create a new emotional legacy for yourself and future generations. The work isn’t always easy, but even small changes create ripples that extend beyond you.
If you're interested in exploring family therapy to heal intergenerational trauma, I'd love to chat. Reach out to schedule a free consultation!