Long-Distance Relationship Counseling: Options and FAQs
As of 2023, more than 14 million couples in the United States considered themselves in long-distance relationships. While distance is not always (or usually) considered a “problem,” long-distance relationship counseling can be a significant resource and support to your relationship.
While some long-distance couples begin therapy to discuss the distance, it often ends up addressing "traditional" relationship concerns, including communication and intimacy.
In this article, I'll discuss how long-distance couples therapy might work, how to choose the best therapist for you, and offer other helpful tips.
Can long-distance couples do couples therapy?
Long-distance couples can do relationship counseling as long as they are willing to participate in online therapy near them. This means that each member of the couple uses their computer or mobile device to log in to a HIPAA-compliant platform to meet with their partner and the couple’s therapist.
Also called teletherapy, 2023 research shows that 63% of people who tried online therapy found it to be effective. While this is a hopeful statistic, the reality of whether or not teletherapy works for you and your partner really depends on how each of you experiences it, as well as the goodness-of-fit with your relationship counselor.
Choosing the Right Long-Distance Relationship Counselor
An important piece of the puzzle is making sure that the relationship counselor you choose is licensed to practice in the states you and your partner live in.
Historically, most therapists were only licensed to practice in the state in which they reside. Since 2020, multiple organizations have come together to improve the ability for counselors to access multi-state licensing with greater ease.
You’ll also want to make sure there’s a reasonable and mutually convenient appointment time, considering various time zones.
Ideally, online therapy for long-distance couples happens during a time and in a place where everyone has the mental space and physical privacy to engage in an intimate and vulnerable way. Therefore, time zone implications are important to consider in choosing a therapist who has the availability that meets your relationship’s needs.
How to Start Long-Distance Relationship Counseling
Long-distance relationship therapy begins by conducting a search for therapists who are licensed in the state each of you lives in.
As of right now, there is no central place to conduct this search, so it will take a bit of Googling. Generally speaking, many psychologists who are licensed in multiple states are licensed through PSYPACT, and that website may be a helpful start. There are also counselors licensed through Counseling Compact, another useful resource.
Once you compile a list of licensed professionals who offer therapy for long-distance couples, it can be a good idea to reach out via phone, email, or website contact form to request a brief phone consultation.
I often recommend having a brief phone consultation with more than one therapist so you and your partner can compare/contrast prospective therapist qualities, including but not limited to:
What you each felt and sensed talking with the therapist
Insurance, payment and fee structure
Day and time availability
Theoretical orientation
Specialties
How confident they feel about your particular relationship dynamics
Cancellation policies
Length and frequency of sessions
How the therapist manages to keep the therapy discussions balanced between you and your partner
How Long-Distance Relationship Counseling Works
Once you choose your couple’s counselor, experiencing a full first session will offer you the best sense of what it would be like to work with them.
Online therapy for long-distance couples is usually conducted on a free, HIPAA-compliant platform that each of you can log into from wherever you have the privacy and the comfort to do so. The therapist will begin the call when both of you have arrived. Then, you’ll be able to see both your partner and the therapist - at the same time.
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From there, couples counseling works in the exact same ways that it works for couples who cohabitate. During therapy sessions with couples, I help each individual embrace their skills while helping them identify practical ways to improve their relationship.
Sometimes "the distance" is the topic couples like to focus on. But often, therapy for long-distance couples ends up focusing on "common" relationship therapy goals, such as communication, intimacy, finances, in-laws, etc. In other words, long-distance couples therapy is as much about what it means to be in a healthy, functional relationship as it is for couples who cohabitate.
An expert-level relationship counselor can help you discern all the important, nuanced aspects influencing your relationship, not just the element of distance.
Long Distance Relationship Counseling: Conclusion
Hopefully, this article has illustrated that a key part of long-distance relationship counseling is making sure that your therapist is licensed in the State each of you lives in. While there isn’t currently a full-fledged therapist directory for this, Google should be a helpful support for figuring out who that may be.
It’s also important to remember that therapy for long-distance couples works much the same way as it does for cohabitating couples. Of course, there may be nuanced elements for long-distance couples as it relates to living apart, but this is only sometimes the case for seeking therapy.
Long-distance relationship counseling is as effective for couples who live together and/or near each other. The most important parts of the process are making sure each partner is as open and willing to begin the process as would be necessary for it to be effective.
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation if you'd like to learn more about online relationship counseling, and you and your partner are located in one of these 40 states.
