Polyamory Therapy to Navigate Polyamorous Relationships
Deciding whether to seek therapy for polyamory support and finding a polyamorous-friendly therapist can feel overwhelming. You may have questions about what polyamory counseling looks like, how it feels, and how it could support you in navigating complex relationship dynamics.
As a therapist with extensive training in family systems and psychodynamic approaches, I bring a compassionate, informed perspective to working with clients in polyamorous relationships. My goal is to provide a safe, respectful space where you feel seen, supported, and empowered to explore and understand your unique relationship experiences.
In this article, we’ll delve into what it means to work with a polyamory-friendly therapist, the distinctions between polyamory, open relationships, and ethical non-monogamy (ENM), and how therapy can support individuals and couples as they navigate the joys and challenges of polyamory.
What is a polyamory therapist?
A polyamory therapist is a mental health professional who is educated, skilled, and genuinely comfortable working with non-traditional relationship dynamics. They bring specialized training and insight to support clients in navigating the complexities of consensual non-monogamy and polyamorous relationships.
Many relationship therapists (such as couples therapists) are well-versed in working with monogamous, exclusive partnerships—typically involving two people, such as traditional couples and marriages. However, polyamory-friendly therapists expand their practice to encompass clients whose relationships fall outside these norms. We understand that non-monogamous and non-traditional relationship structures come with unique challenges and opportunities that deserve compassionate, informed support.
How a Polyamory-Friendly Therapist Can Help You
A polyamory-friendly therapist can help you explore and strengthen the relationships that matter most to you.
During polyamory counseling, you can receive support as an individual and someone in a non-traditional partnership with a therapist who has a nuanced and comprehensive understanding of the following:
Social and familial pressures: We recognize the external pressures individuals in non-traditional relationships may experience, whether from family expectations, social norms, or economic constraints, and work to help clients process these influences in a supportive space.
Relationship dynamics beyond the dyad: Expanding a relationship beyond two people introduces complex dynamics that affect communication, boundaries, and emotional intimacy. In polyamory counseling, you can explore these dynamics with care and clarity while honoring the original dyad and receiving support to grow additional bonds.
Intersectionality within relationships: Each partner brings a unique background, identity, and set of experiences to a relationship. A polyamory therapist considers how multiple relationships intersect and impact one another, helping you navigate overlapping needs and emotional connections.
Therapeutic interventions tailored to polyamory: A polyamory-friendly therapist utilizes interventions to help you enhance communication, trust, and emotional resilience, so you can deepen the value and fulfillment of each relationship in your network.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) vs. Open Relationships vs. Polyamory
Navigating non-traditional relationships can be confusing, especially when it comes to the terminology. Below, I’ll clarify key vocabulary, which might help you gain a clearer sense of where you are, what you’re feeling, and how you identify in relation to non-monogamous relationships.
Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)
Ethical non-monogamy, or ENM, is also referred to as Consensual Non-Monogamy. ENM describes a relationship structure in which people engage in open or polyamorous relationships with the full consent and knowledge of everyone involved. Consent is explicit, discussed openly, and agreed upon by all partners, with mutually decided boundaries and rules.
ENM can encompass various forms of connection—romantic, sexual, or otherwise—that extend outside of a traditional, monogamous two-person relationship. It centers on the principle of honesty, ensuring that all parties feel respected and supported in navigating these additional connections.
Open Relationships
In an open relationship, two or more people are in a relationship that isn’t exclusive in ways typically expected in monogamous partnerships. For example, partners may allow each other to form romantic or sexual connections with others, creating a “permeable” boundary around romantic and sexual experiences. This distinguishes it from a “closed” relationship, where exclusivity is maintained, and no outside partners are involved romantically or sexually.
Not all open relationships are polyamorous, as romantic love may not necessarily be a component of all outside relationships. In other words, a relationship is open but not polyamorous if you have consensual sexual experiences with others but maintain your primary and/or exclusively emotional bond between you and your original partner.
Polyamory
Derived from the Greek poly (many) and Latin amor (love), polyamory means “many loves.” Polyamorous individuals identify as being able to experience romantic love with more than one person simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Some people view polyamory as an identity—a core part of who they are that shapes how they form connections and express love. Others see it as an orientation—a natural inclination toward forming multiple loving relationships, similar to other forms of romantic or sexual orientation.
Polyamory can vary widely in practice, with some people maintaining long-term partnerships with multiple people and others preferring flexible or fluid relationship structures.
If you’re hoping to learn more about these types of relationships, therapy can be a valuable space to help you clarify your values, preferences, and boundaries as you consider the best type of relationship for you.
How Polyamory Therapy Works
Polyamory therapy varies based on the unique needs of the individuals, couples, or groups seeking support. Each relationship structure and personal journey is different, so polyamorous-friendly therapists adapt their approach accordingly, helping clients explore and navigate their unique challenges, goals, and boundaries.
Individual vs. Couples Therapy
Individual therapy can allow you to explore a shift in your relationship orientation or identity, such as transitioning from monogamy to polyamory or ethical non-monogamy (ENM). You might also want support if you’re in a relationship with someone who has other partners. Therapy can be a safe space to reflect on this change privately before discussing it with a partner. During individual therapy, you can process questions, fears, and hopes with the guidance of a polyamorous-friendly therapist who understands these complex dynamics.
Couples therapy, where your partner joins you, is a space to navigate your non-traditional relationship or explore opening it. A polyamory-friendly therapist can offer a non-judgemental environment and support you in discussing challenges, what non-monogamy might look like, and boundaries and agreements.
Benefits of Polyamory Therapy
Although scientific research specifically on polyamory therapy is still emerging, there’s a growing recognition of the need for support around non-monogamous relationships.
In a recent study, approximately 1 in 6 people expressed interest in engaging in a polyamorous relationship. Reflecting this interest, the American Psychological Association created the Division 44 Consensual Non-Monogamy Task Force to help explore, research, and understand diverse relationship structures. This task force marked a positive step toward greater inclusion and support for individuals in non-traditional relationships.
Polyamory therapy offers a compassionate, nonjudgmental space to gain support for building healthy, fulfilling relationships that reflect your true self. Benefits include:
Processing and overcoming internalized stigma: Therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore and address any internalized negativity stemming from societal judgment about non-monogamous relationships.
Exploring identity and relationship dynamics: It’s a space to consider what a non-monogamous identity or relationship structure means for you, with guidance from a therapist who respects your values and needs.
Discussing relationship expansion with a partner: For those considering opening an existing relationship, therapy can help couples navigate this possibility in a constructive, respectful way.
Co-parenting within a polyamorous or ENM structure: Therapy can support families in navigating the unique dynamics and challenges of co-parenting in a non-monogamous environment.
Understanding and working through jealousy: A polyamorous-friendly therapist can help clients understand jealousy, approach it with compassion, and develop healthy ways to manage it.
Making decisions about parenting in an ENM environment: Whether considering having or raising children within a non-monogamous structure, therapy can provide guidance on setting up a supportive and stable family environment.
Discussing polyamorous or ENM relationships with children: Therapy offers guidance on how to approach conversations with children about your relationships in an age-appropriate, honest way.
Navigating social and cultural challenges: Non-monogamous relationships often face unique challenges in a society structured around monogamy. Therapy can provide tools for navigating the social and political landscape, especially when traditional systems don’t account for non-monogamous partnerships.
Online vs In-Person Therapy
Online therapy is done virtually, usually via online video chat. On the other hand, in-person therapy usually takes place in your therapist's office, where you work together face to face.
Each option has pros and cons, and choosing the best one for you depends on your unique needs and those of any other person joining you for therapy.
Below, we’ll explore how each option differs so you can choose the one that’s right for you:
Options for therapists: Finding an in-person therapist experienced in polyamorous or ENM relationships can be challenging, especially in areas where non-traditional relationship structures may be less common. Online therapy allows you to connect with polyamory-friendly therapists regardless of location, broadening the options for finding the right fit.
Long-distance therapy: Many polyamorous relationships involve partners who live in different cities, states, or even countries. With online therapy, each partner can participate in sessions from different locations. Some virtual therapists, including myself, are licensed across multiple states, expanding access for long-distance partners.
Convenience: With busy schedules, it can be challenging to make time for therapy. With online counseling, you can eliminate travel time or trying to find a good therapist who's located near you.
Comfort: Some people feel more comfortable having therapy in the comfort of their own home or another private space. A familiar environment may help you feel more relaxed, allowing for a more natural conversation flow, especially when discussing sensitive topics. On the other hand, you might feel better in a neutral setting and/or connect better with a therapist if you’re face-to-face.
Polyamory Therapy Frequency
Polyamory or ENM therapy usually begins with weekly sessions. However, the frequency depends on your specific needs, relationship dynamics, and goals.
Many polyamory-friendly therapists recommend starting with a consistent, weekly cadence. This helps you establish a strong therapeutic relationship, allows the therapist to gain a comprehensive understanding of the context and challenges, and builds momentum that can be crucial for achieving meaningful progress.
As therapy progresses, the frequency of sessions can be adjusted according to your preferences and evolving needs.
Here are some common approaches:
Weekly sessions: Some individuals or groups find value in keeping therapy as a regular, weekly part of their lives. Weekly sessions provide a consistent space for exploring emotions, addressing ongoing challenges, and building relational skills. This can be especially beneficial for those working through complex dynamics or navigating significant transitions, such as opening a relationship or adjusting to a new polyamorous structure.
Bi-weekly sessions: Every other week may work well once a solid therapeutic foundation has been established, allowing you time to reflect on and apply insights from each session in your daily lives. For some, bi-weekly sessions strike a balance between consistent support and the flexibility to process issues at a slower pace.
Alternating sessions among partners or subsystems: In polyamorous or ENM relationships, it may be useful to alternate sessions among different partners or subsystems within the relationship constellation. For example, one week might focus on the primary dyad, while the following week may involve a broader group dynamic or a session with a specific partner or metamour. This approach provides tailored support to each unique relationship while keeping the overall constellation’s needs in mind.
Flexible or As-Needed Sessions: Over time, you may feel you only need to check in with your therapist on an as-needed basis. This approach might work well for individuals or groups who have developed tools for managing their relationship dynamics but appreciate occasional guidance or support during specific life events or transitions.
Getting Started with Polyamory Therapy
Finding the right polyamory-friendly therapist is an important first step. To get started, consider reaching out to a few therapists for consultations to help you find someone who feels like a good fit. During these consultations, you’ll have the opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of each therapist’s experience, style, availability, and cost.
When consulting with potential therapists, consider the following:
Utilize directories for poly-friendly professionals: There are online directories, like Poly-Friendly Professionals specifically for finding polyamory-friendly therapists and mental health professionals. These can be great resources for identifying therapists who are knowledgeable about polyamory and supportive of non-traditional relationship structures.
Ask about relevant experience: It’s essential to work with a therapist who is knowledgeable and affirming of non-traditional relationships. Ask about their experience with polyamory or ethical non-monogamy, as well as their approach to relationship dynamics and the challenges that might come with ENM relationships.
Explore their therapeutic style: Every therapist has a unique style. Some may lean more toward structured, goal-oriented approaches, while others may focus on exploring feelings and dynamics in an open-ended way. Asking about their style and how they typically work with those in polyamorous or ENM relationships can help you determine if their approach aligns with your needs.
Discuss logistics and cost: Be sure to ask about practical details such as session length, availability, and fees. It’s also worth discussing whether they offer online sessions, as this can be especially helpful if you and your partners live in different locations.
Getting started with polyamory therapy can be a meaningful step toward deepening your connections and understanding yourself within your unique relationship structure. Taking the time to find a therapist who genuinely understands and supports your journey can make all the difference.
If my approach and philosophy resonate with you, I’d be happy to connect and discuss your goals. Feel free to contact me, as I’d love to learn more about what you’re looking for and see how I can support you in navigating your relationships with clarity, care, and confidence.