What to Expect at Couples Therapy: How it Works & FAQs
Your relationship - redefined.
If you and your partner(s) are considering couples therapy, you may be excited to discover that research consistently demonstrates that individuals are 70-80% better off as a result of couples therapy than those who decide against it.
What to expect at couples therapy varies depending on you and your partner(s), the areas you’d like to work on, and the type of therapy and therapist you choose to help you. However, you can usually expect to work on goals specific to your wants and needs, which may help you improve as an individual and couple.
In this article, I’ll address key differences in approaches to couples counseling, what you can expect throughout couples therapy, and recommendations for how to get the most support for your relationship issues.
Online vs. In-Person Therapy
What to expect at couples counseling can depend slightly on the setting. Therapy can be online or in person, depending on your personal preference and unique circumstances and desires.
Below, we’ll explore reasons you may choose online or in-person therapy.
Top 3 Reasons Couples Prefer Online Therapy
Online therapy is convenient for scheduling, offers in-home privacy, and gives you access to more therapist options.
1. Convenience of Scheduling
Online therapy might offer you and your partner more options for days and times you can meet with your couples therapist. You can also save time by not having to commute to and from a physical location.
If you and your partner need to join therapy sessions from different locations, online therapy can be a great solution. This is helpful for long-distance couples or those with busy schedules.
2. Increased Comfort of Privacy
Couples who choose online therapy often enjoy meeting from the comfort and privacy of their own homes. You can select where in your home you feel most comfortable and have complete control of the privacy of your attendance.
Being comfortable is important for successful therapy sessions as this allows you to be open during the experience, discuss important topics, and feel safe in the environment.
3. Preferred Couples Therapist Selection
Being able to choose a couples therapist based on who might be the most ideal fit for your relationship is often better than choosing a therapist whose physical location is most convenient.
Online couples therapy means you can choose any therapist who is licensed to serve in the state you live in, likely giving you many options for a suitable therapist. For example, I’m licensed to work with couples in these 40 states.
Top 3 Reasons Couples Prefer In-Person Therapy
In-person therapy might be best for you if you prefer a neutral physical space and/or less screen time. Some couples also believe in-person counseling is more effective, although this isn’t necessarily the case.
1. Desire for Different Physical Space
It’s not unusual for couples to want therapy sessions to be in a physical location other than their home. This can offer a neutral space that may also have a different energetic experience beyond your day-to-day.
2. Less Screen Time
Many people either work from home and/or work all day on screens. In these cases, in-person therapy may be more appealing than online therapy.
3. Perception of Increased Efficacy
Some couples opt for in-person therapy because they believe it will be more effective than online therapy. However, research actually shows a higher efficacy rate for online therapy.
Different Approaches of Couples Therapy
You may be interested in couples therapy to support a wide range of relationship issues. Therapists usually specialize in certain areas and have either one approach they follow during sessions or are more approach-informed while designing a treatment plan according to what best fits the couple they’re working with.
While many couples therapists are equipped to deal with a variety of relationship issues, most of us specialize and/or have certain dynamics we are more experienced with than others. Some examples of specialties include, but aren’t limited to:
Emotional, sexual, or financial infidelity
Substance use or abuse
Infertility, pre and post-partum circumstances
Blended family integration
In-law and family-of-origin dynamics
Interracial, interreligious, and/or intercultural scenarios
Monogamy versus non-monogamy/polyamory
Sexuality and sexual orientations
Navigating long-distance relationships
When you’re researching therapists, be sure to look for one experienced and comfortable working with your particular situation(s).
What to expect at couples therapy also depends on your therapist’s particular approach, whether they focus on a specific one or a more customized practice Although all therapists are different, I follow a combination, tailored approach when working with couples.
Below, I’ll share common therapy approaches to have in mind when looking for a therapist..
The Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is a heavily researched-based approach to treating couples, and it’s the same, no matter the couple. It begins with a thorough, standardized assessment of the couple’s relationship and is treated with evidence-based manualized interventions.
Some examples of Gottman Method techniques include assessing each other’s values, assessing each person’s style of conflict, and developing a shared meaning of the relationship experience.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy places heavy emphasis on naming, processing, and understanding the emotional experience of each member of the couple. The emotion-focused approach assumes there is a strong connection between how each member of the couple attaches to one another based on their emotional lives and connection.
Specific techniques of the Emotion-Focused approach include active and empathic listening, reflecting back on what each member hears the other person saying, and working through past traumas of the relationship.
Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago Relationship Therapy is rooted in the idea that our orientation toward our romantic partner is inextricably linked to our experiences with our parents when we were children. Imago therapy techniques are usually worksheet-heavy and support a thorough analysis of each partner’s understanding of themselves as children in relation to their caregivers.
Solution Focused Couples Therapy
Solution-Focused Couples Therapy focuses exclusively on the here-and-now experiences rather than exploring the past histories of each individual and the couple. It offers clear solutions to issues that the couple is presenting with “right now.” This approach can be helpful in situations where there are feasible solutions for the here and now.
Behavioral Couples Therapy
Behavioral Couples Therapy targets the behavioral choices of each member of the couple with an evaluation of how they contribute to and result from conflict in the relationship. A behavioral approach to couples therapy offers significant attention to “acceptance” as a path forward. Specifically, it suggests that the more partners can learn to accept one another, the easier the path forward to sustainable behavior change.
What happens in the first session of couples therapy?
During the first couple's therapy session, your therapist will get to know you. This may look slightly different, depending on your therapist's approach and whether your session is in-person or online.
For my sessions with couples, we use a free online therapy platform. We begin with a 50-minute intake session, and I learn about what’s bringing you to therapy. During this first session, you’ll gain a preliminary sense of what it will be like to work with me.
In the initial session, I can also make recommendations on how to best proceed by identifying realistic goals for our work together and/or work that may be helpful to practice independently.
What to Expect at Couples Therapy Going Forward
How your couple's therapy sessions proceed will depend on your therapist's approach. Ideally, you'll work together towards goals on approaches that work best for your situation(s).
As sessions continue with couples I work with, I observe and participate in your relationship’s communication process. I reflect back to you my sense of where, how, and why communication breaks down and what inhibits functional repair. From there, I offer informed recommendations for how to genuinely learn, heal, grow, and change.
My goal is to help each of you learn how to work through the issues that brought you to therapy in the first place. Ultimately, you’ll be equipped to work through challenges that may arise long after your therapy is complete.
All therapy sessions with me are completely tailored to the nuance of your relationship. It can be similar to individual therapy in that the identity and experience of each partner are taken into deep consideration. Together, we learn and relearn each of you in as many ways as needed to best support what your relationship is looking to gain from investing in therapy.
Relevant aspects of exploration during therapy can include but are not limited to your:
Family of origin (history and present functioning)
Prior relationship history (social and romantic)
Former or current psychotherapeutic work
Attitudes, beliefs, values
Ethnic, racial, and cultural identity
Religious and spiritual affiliations
Sexuality
Gender identification and expression
Economic status
Able-ness
Working Towards Goals for Couple’s Therapy
Couples therapists will develop a treatment plan with you that best supports what you hope to gain from therapy sessions.
Sometimes, couples are clear about their goals, and other times couples need support identifying their goals. It may be that you have a few goals, and your therapist may suggest additional goals related to the relationship issues.
Regardless of how you work toward your objectives in couples counseling, the approach ought to be collaborative. From couples therapy, you should expect a therapist who will be able to see and hear where each of you is coming from, clearly understand what you hope for your relationship, and defer to you and your own expertise about your relationship as the process continues.
As a couples therapist, I check in with couples periodically as we work together to determine how the process is feeling for each individual. I welcome feedback about what seems to be going well and what couples would like to see change as we work together.
It’s important that you feel a strong sense of agency and respect in your relationship with your couples therapist. This creates a space for effectively working towards and meeting goals.
How do I get the best out of couples therapy?
To get the best out of couple’s therapy, work as diligently as you can to be open-minded throughout the process.
Couples therapy can sometimes be extremely difficult. It requires you to be open and willing to learn new perspectives about yourselves, each other, and the relationship. You can get the most out of couples counseling by ensuring your willingness to participate is maximized for optimal results.
Another way to ensure you’re getting the most out of couple’s therapy is to let your partner and your therapist know about your expectations for the process. This supports discussion around how realistic the expectations are and improves the accuracy with which the therapist can support you in meeting your goals and needs.
What to Expect at Couples Therapy: Conclusion
I hope this article has illustrated what you can expect at couples therapy. While every couple’s experiences in therapy are unique and depend on each couple and what they’d like to work on, there are some general guidelines that you can expect.
It’s important to remember that some therapists strictly adhere to one particular approach, while others integrate approaches depending on the couple’s needs. There’s no “right or wrong” approach. Instead, it’s about choosing an approach that resonates with you and your partner.
Research has repeatedly confirmed the effectiveness of couples therapy. If you’re wondering if you may also significantly benefit from working with a couples therapist, you can contact me for a free, 15-minute phone consultation to discuss this further. I’d love to hear from you.
